My Big Fat Bottom: fluff

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Step Programs

Is there a step program for food-a-holics? Like not only should I not have ONE bite of that peanut butter and fluff sandwich - I really shouldn''t even associate with people who are EATING PB&F. Like just be in a different place...."I'm Michelle - and I a snack-a-holic.

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M.B.F.B. (My Big Fat Bottom) - if you didn't get this we still love and support you - just are requesting that you don't reproduce.

O.G.F. (Olive Garden Factor) - relates to any restaurant that serves jinormous delectable portions. Their secret dressing on the salad is 100% invisible calories. Every meal in the joint has no less than 2,500 calories and the bread sticks are designed to directly attack your thighs. They actually ionize calorie particles and release them into the air - resulting in weight gain just by breathing. Trust me - if your waitress is skinny - she just started working there.

L.M.B.F.B.O. (Laughing my big fat butt off) - as in when Diane says that she is leaving me a message on my b.f.b.

The Fat Bottom Line.....

1) We'll have weekly weigh-ins on Fridays! That gives you the WHOLE week to make up for scarfing up the works over the weekend...

2) You don't have to say WHAT you weigh - just the amount gained/lost.

3) Anyone is welcome to add comments, suggestions, ideas, recipes, incriminating photos, anything at all.

4) You are not welcome if you are a size 4 and just want to whine about how fat you are...unless you have lost the weight through being a valient M.B.F.B. blogger and you just want to help the rest of us fatties through the journey.

5) You ARE welcome if you are a UNDER-TALL bitch that will slap us around a bit and make us stay on track.

6) If you fall off the face of the earth and don't weigh in - we'll all talk about you behind your fat butt. And we'll probably harass you via email...and ruin your credit rating.